Lights Will Guide You Home
by nightingale7213
Summary: A/U 4 months ago, Brooke and Lucas broke up for reasons out of their control at the time. Brooke tired of feeling broken and alone, makes a decision to fight for herself and for the man she loves. Along the way she deals w/ family, friendships, and all the obstacles to get what her heart truly desires. Brucas centered. Lucas and Nathan aren't brothers in this story.
1. My Hearts Desire

A/N – This is an A/U story that will take bits and pieces from the show, but mostly will be different from how it worked out on the show. In this Lucas and Nathan are best friends not brothers. Mostly Brooke centric and her POV on her life and relationships in it. Brucas.

* * *

Someone once asked me, "Do you ever wonder if we make the moments in our lives or if the moments in our lives makes us?" Thinking back I realize how wrong I was back then. I used to believe that we were made by the moments in our lives. That we were defined by what happened and that shaped us into who we would become. It's safe to say that these past six months have really made me wonder about how I'd be defined. Was I a failure? Was I to selfless? Followed up with that same question that haunts everyone…was I not enough?

Lately I've realized if I were to be all these things than I would have had to make these moments happen in my life. I would have never wanted to be seen as these things.

I was always that girl who was selfless, optimistic, brave, and determined. It really is a horrible feeling when you wake up and realize that you aren't these things anymore. The moment you allow someone else to determine who you are and how you feel is the moment you lose more than just yourself. You lose your way , your hope, your fire. At some point though, you realize what it is you need to do to get it back. For me, that means the people in my life.

I have some amazing friends and family, but even they don't know the extent of my feelings this year. I love them all too much to burden them with this pain I'm feeling. That and I don't necessarily trust that I would confide in the right person. After everything in my life I admit it takes a lot for me to trust someone. It scares me when I realize that I have given that trust out and now I have given someone the ability to hurt me.

The moment I gave my trust to someone, I realize now, is a moment I made. It defined who was close to me. The moment I graduated college was another moment I made happen. The moment I realized I was in love is not a moment I made happen, but a moment that was meant to happen for both of us. I fell in love with a man named Lucas Scott. I've known him for a little over three years and we dated for two and a half. It's been a little over four months now since we broke up and not a day goes by without my heart aching for him. I wish I could tell you it gets easier as each day comes. I'm not going to lie, though. It hurts more than one could imagine.

I use to tell him that he was my game changer. He was my forever and always. Unfortunately, life has a way of playing cruel tricks on us to see who we are and what we are made of. I've dealt with death and tragedy in life, but the night we broke up was harder than those situations. We had long been defined by who we were as a couple, that we needed to be defined as individuals. I thought maybe that the breakup was the first step in making us who we needed to be. I have let that stir in my mind for the past four months, but I am done with that now. I am done being that girl. I am not letting this define me. I refuse to be that shell of a girl.

Every moment going forward is going to be one that I make. I am done taking a back seat in my life and being this broken, alone, and afraid girl. No one was going to stand in my way for going after what I want, the things I deserve, but more importantly the things I love. I'm Brooke Penelope Davis and I'm going back to that girl that I was. I'm going to attempt being selfish and fighting for what I deserve and want in my life. I'm going to make these moments in my life happen and they will be defining who I am going forward. I'm not going to run from a fight. I'm ready.

It was one hell of a pep talk I gave myself as I stared at my reflection. I was afraid and nervous, but I realized anything in life worth having is when you feel afraid of it. I was afraid of failure, but I know if I don't try I'll regret it for the rest of my life. Grabbing my things, I jumped in my car and I turned the radio on. I always had this belief that things happen for a reason and hearing the song on the radio made me smile. I felt confident that it was the right thing for me to try. The song that came on was the one I used for his Christmas gift. I couldn't help but smile at that memory. "I'm coming for you Broody", I whispered before driving off and singing to the song.

 _When you're too in love to let it go  
but if you never try you'll never know  
Just what you're worth  
Lights will guide you home_

* * *

I promise the rest of the characters will be introduced, but I just wanted to start off with Brooke and her thoughts a little.

Let me know if you like it!


	2. Meeting You

~ 2013~

When I first met Lucas I was just transferring to a new store for work. He was a technician there and I was the new sales associate. At the time I was in a relationship with a guy named Julian, but it wasn't one that was going anywhere. I had been so busy with work and school that I didn't have much time to focus on a relationship. That all changed though once I met Lucas. I remember when I first met him and the first few months after that. Gosh, I was like a school girl with a crush.

For the first time in my life I was speechless. I couldn't tell you if it was his blue eyes or his smile that caught my attention. His hair was slightly long and he was really tall. Granted I'm only 5'4, but he must have been at least 6 feet.

"Hi, I'm Brooke. I'm the new floor associate. I was wondering if you had any fliers for the tech promotions?" I quickly said to the associates in front of me. Richard, the lead smiled and was impressed that someone knew about it. Apparently, I was the only one outside of their department who knew about it. As Richard went about finding the fliers I turned my attention to the other tech. "I'm Lucas. It's nice to meet you".

Thankfully, we didn't have that many shifts together. I only say that because he was a distraction and a great one at that, but I needed to keep my focus. Over the next three months I had become close with some other coworkers. Haley was secretly dating Nathan, who happened to be Lucas's best friend. They were such a fun, but odd couple. Nathan was very upfront about things whether anyone wanted his opinion. Haley on the other hand, was kind and wore her heart on her sleeve. It was an interesting relationship, but they made it work. I wanted a relationship like that. I also became friends with Deb who was a mother figure to me, Jake who was extremely funny, and Millie who was becoming my other best friend.

Julian and I had finally ended it. I felt bad that it didn't hurt as much as it should have. I remember the night it happened was right before our big store meeting announcing mine, Lucas, and Haley's promotions. Thanks to our promotions, Lucas and I were given a reason to spend time talking at work. I remember it perfectly. He was off shift and it was my first closing shift as supervisor. His customer had come in wanting their computer and I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing. I had to steal his number from Haley to text him about it. I remember apologizing profusely for bothering him, but that was the night that everything changed for us.

The thing about Lucas is he was in a relationship with a girl named Nikki. From what Haley had said it was a horrible relationship. Emotionally abusive was how she summed it up. Lucas had been saving up money for the past eight months to leave her. I guess they had been together for five years and he just couldn't deal with it anymore. When I told Haley about messaging him she got this mischievous look in her eyes. I remember it perfectly, "You should keep talking to him. I know if you do you're gonna like him. You guys would be good together" is what she said. I remember blushing and walking off before sneaking another look at him.

Over the next two weeks we found ourselves talking more. It became a habit that was dangerous. He had to hide the message so Nikki wouldn't see them. Apparently she wasn't comfortable with him talking to girls, even if they were just friends. Talking with him was different then talking with any other guy I'd met. It was instantly comfortable and yes, there was flirting. I fell for Lucas…hard over those few weeks. I remember one night he said he wanted to ask me a question. One he was about 75% sure of. I responded, "You want to know if I like you?" His response, "Now I'm 100% sure of it". I tried saying sorry because of the situation, but he said he felt the same.

As happy as I was to hear it, my heart dropped at the same time. I realized the situation we had just gotten ourselves into and I was scared. I told him that even though I liked him I wouldn't do anything with him while he was in a relationship. He had reciprocated that thought. It took two more weeks before he ended things with Nikki. It had happened one night when we had gone for a drive. Yes, we lied and made excuses to at least spend time with each other, but like I said we didn't do anything other than talk. Anyways, that night we were going back to my house so he could drop me off when she called. I remember hearing his tone of voice. It wasn't the Lucas I knew and my heart broke to hear him that way. He just kept saying he was sorry to her for taking so long, over and over.

The problem for me was that I had fallen in love with him already. It scared me and I was ready to run from it. I couldn't look at him after that phone call with her and he knew that I wasn't okay. I remember crying. It wasn't fair, but I didn't know how much longer I could wait either. I decided that night that I'd have to keep some distance because it was too hard. He knew the moment I got out of the car what was happening with me, with us. I cried myself to sleep that night, but I had a surprise that next morning. Other than the several missed calls from him and texts, I also had calls from Haley.

I had a poem from him. That was one of the things no one knew about Lucas was that he was a writer. He wrote me poems all the time, mostly to make me cry, but they were loving and beautiful. Apparently, he had gone home, locked himself in the bathroom, and cried thinking that he had lost me. He made his choice right then and there. All those calls were to tell me he ended things with Nikki and she moved out. Haley called to tell me Lucas called her early in the morning trying to find any other way of contacting me. He was really shook up about it all. I remember seeing him that day and the shock of everything still sinking in.

I remember us holding each other as if our lives depended on it. I thought about the time when he would tell me we'd find a way to be together somehow. How I would lay my head against his shoulder as he held me tight. Breathing in his scent, playing with his hair, and just seeing the smile he had just for me. Nothing was stopping us from being together. I knew in that moment that this was my game changer. All my fear, all my doubts and insecurities were gone. I found the love I had always dreamed of. I knew that he was the man of my dreams. I knew deep down that nothing could break us. We would be always and forever.

* * *

~Present Day~

Another day passed without him here. I wish I didn't think of him as much as I did. I just wanted it to stop hurting and to feel okay. I tried convincing myself that it was getting easier, but I think I just had gotten better at bottling things up. I put so much focus on everything else in my life and yet he still managed to haunt me.

I played with my necklace that I purposely kept hidden from everyone else. It had three things on it: the promise ring he gave me for our first Christmas, the heart pendant from our second Christmas, and the penguin from our third Christmas. He once told me that penguins only picked one mate for life and they gave them a pebble to keep. I asked if he would be my penguin, and he said yes. I couldn't let go of it yet. I still wished everyday that this was a nightmare.

I was trying to keep my distance because I knew I couldn't have him…and vice versa. We were no longer in a place where we could be together, at least not yet. I was trying to work on myself, the way he was. I started to do all the things I did when we first met. The things that I loved and that made me who I am. I knew in order to get to the place I wanted and to be ready for a real shot at this second chance, I needed to find me again.

So I wrote him a letter a day to say all the things I couldn't right now. I needed him to know that I was doing everything I said I would. I was trying my best to be happy, but I knew I wouldn't ever be as happy as I could be since he wasn't here. We had tried being friends, but the feelings were still there. We couldn't stop with the "I love you" and "I miss you" statements.

I couldn't stop thinking about those first few months I had met him and the month after he broke up with Nikki. I wish I could go back and change it, make him wait longer before asking us to be official. We were so in love that he didn't want to wait any longer to be official. One month after a five year relationship. That mixed with some hardships in our relationship made him realize how unhappy he was with himself. He was lost and couldn't figure out how to get past this. The last two months of our relationship we tried finding a way to make it work. It got too hard and he couldn't do it anymore. He couldn't see me hurting anymore. It was too hard for him and he realized he needed to be alone to figure himself out, to find himself.

I tried to be brave for him that night. I told him, "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." I remember sitting with my knees to my chest crying my eyes out and kept saying, "Let this just be a nightmare". I remember looking at him as he sat on the couch crying as well. I remember how I called Haley to come get me because we did this for a hour. We hugged, held each other's hands, exchanged I love you's, and kissed goodbye. It was the most painful moment in my life.

That was four months ago. Now after some time has passed, I know that we still have some work each of us need to do individually, but it's time to fight for what's in my heart. I picked out my outfit for the bbq and took a deep breath. I was going to see him at Haley and Nathan's bbq, but more importantly I was going to be meeting Lindsey for the first time. When Mouth asked me who she was I told him, "Lindsey is the girl who tried to break me and Lucas up last year and apparently, is the girl that Nathan and Peyton are pushing him to date now."


	3. I Never Lied

~July 2, 2013~

To say I was nervous would be an understatement. I wasn't nervous because I was scared, but nervous out of excitement. Lucas and I were supposed to be going on a date tonight and he wouldn't give me any details. We still weren't officially together, but I knew he had been anxious about that next step. To be honest, I was anxious as well. It had been a month since he broke up with Nikki and a week since we admitted we loved each other.

* * *

I remember that night because I got a call from my friend Rachel crying, asking me to go pick her up. I was driving a hour away and Lucas and I were having a disagreement. It was hard for me and I was scared. I was so afraid of love. I was surrounded by broken relationships growing up. Not one functional relationship and it left me guarded.

I wish I could remember what exactly started the conversation, but I remember how it ended. I had told Rachel how afraid I was. It was as if I had no control and my guard was absent. I had fallen in love with him and all I wanted was to be with him. No more waiting around. Seeing Rachel upset that night wasn't helping my fears, but I knew her fighting with Cooper was different then my issue with Lucas. Their problem was jealousy. He wasn't okay with her being around Bevin when Rachel had slept with Bevin's brother a few years ago. We both spent the drive talking and crying. She didn't want to lose Coop because she never loved someone the way she loved him. She was willing to go through all of this hurt and pain because her love for him outweighed it.

I remember crying over how mad at myself I was. Only someone foolish would fall in love so fast and so hard. I felt like I had no choice in the matter. He stole my heart so quickly and I'm still not sure I'd change it if I could. I knew part of my fear was what if it didn't last? What if it was one sided? I remember him saying he would understand if I stepped back and that he hoped I wouldn't, but he understood. I was in tears when he said that, but it gave me the courage I needed to tell him the truth.

I grabbed my phone and wrote him a message. I told him that I was scared to death, but that I loved him. It was the first time I had said it and meant it. I once had the puppy love in high school, but this was so much more than that. This was the forever type of love. I told him I was scared of getting hurt, but I loved him more and he was worth the risk. I was choosing him. I was choosing us. He told me he loved me too and a whole lot of other beautiful things with it. He was a true romantic and his way with words was unbelievable. I remember the next time we saw each other we couldn't help but grin like idiots. We held each other tight followed by the most amazing kiss and looked at each other while saying, "I love you" again for the first time.

* * *

The next week went by so fast , but I was excited. He wouldn't give me any hints as to what we would be doing which left me anxious. I couldn't tell you exactly what I wore other than my knee high leather heels. These were the shoes that made me feel confident and sexy. I can say I remember the button down shirt he wore and how dressed up he was for it. How did I manage to catch this gorgeous, kind, amazing man I still had no clue. He took me to a restaurant that I had never been too, called The Elephant Bar. Our dinner was amazing and the conversation was light and fun. So far, he hadn't asked me the question yet and it was driving me crazy.

After dinner he took me to one of his favorite spots a little ways outside town. Unfortunately, as much as I loved these shoes they were not the best for walking to where he wanted to go. I decided to take them off and walk the rest of the way barefoot. I wasn't letting it stop us. Ever the gentleman, he offered to carry my shoes as he held my hand. We sat on a bench and looked out at the water. It was beautiful, serene, and beyond perfect. As we enjoyed the silence for a few minutes I let myself think about how much our lives had changed in a few short months. Catching his gaze, I leaned in for a slow, intimate kiss. Pulling back I watched him as he looked away with nerves. Turning back to look at me he said, "I love you. These past few months have been amazing and I've been so happy Brooke. Will you be my girlfriend? I want you, us", it was said in almost a whisper. He was nervous, scared, but more importantly the way he said it was loving. "I love you too. Yes, of course I'll be your girlfriend".

This was and always will be one of the best days of my life and one of my favorite memories.

* * *

~Present Day~

I got to the bbq a few hours early which was nice to spend time with Haley and Mia. Just laughing, talking without any worries or cares. It allowed me to forget about the meeting between me and Lindsey later. I had been worrying so much about what would happen that remaining calm was going to be hard. How do you meet a person while still so in love with the man they are trying to see? Haley walked into the house and I turned as I heard her talking to someone. Mia and I both got up to go inside to see who showed up and I felt gutted as I saw the both of them there.

Walking up to the counter I waited for someone to say something, anything. Nathan had joined us and they all were talking, but no one said anything to me. Haley and Mia both said they had to go run an errand and afraid to be left alone with them I grabbed my stuff and just jumped in the car with them. I was already nervous, but the fact that I didn't seem to exist to them and that no one introduced us left me feeling more uncomfortable. When we came back, though, I couldn't breathe for a moment. There in the kitchen he sat in a chair as she sat in his lap. I walked past the kitchen entrance and hid behind the wall. Mouth who had shown up was standing in the kitchen and was able to see me trying to catch my breath.

Reminding myself that I am Brooke Davis and I was strong enough to do this I walked back into the kitchen and faced them. I inserted myself into the conversation, but neither of them said a word to me. I was being nice. I helped put away the food she brought and I was nice. I didn't want to be, but if this was going to be a recurrent thing then I needed too. As soon as she walked to the fridge, I got her attention. "Lindsey , right? I'm Brooke, it's nice to meet you" I said as I shook her hand. Lie. "Oh hi, nice to meet you". That was it.

We all went into the living room and sat around talking. Well, I tried listening, but I was distracted by seeing them together. It hurt seeing as just a few months ago we not only were together, but the memory of reading every message she had sent him and all the pictures she had sent him. I felt sick at the memories. I needed help getting through this and since Millie wasn't able to come it left me with one other option. I quickly sent a text to Haley and Nathan asking if I could invite my friend Owen. We met through Deb. He was a trainer at the gym and I ended up being a client of his. He, like Millie, had a tendency to distract me completely from all my problems. Talking with the both of them kept my mind mostly off of everything else going on and I needed that help. Thankfully neither of them cared if I did invite him. Quickly texting him I explained what was going on and he said he'd come for a little bit.

For the last five minutes before he joined us I somehow found myself in the kitchen talking with Lindsey. I was doing my best to be the bigger person. Trying to be nice when all I wanted to do was say things I shouldn't. "I just wanted to say I know this situation is a little awkward, but I don't want you guys to think you have to act differently when I'm here. It's okay. I promise. Please don't feel like you have to tip toe around me". Lies again. I was becoming good at them. I had two choices: lie to her or say and act how I'd like and risk not being invited to future parties due to awkwardness.

"I know, I'm sorry. I tried talking to him and stuff, but he is just being him I guess. I'm also easily anxious and nervous about this. I told him due to how sensitive the situation is that I understood if he wasn't ready to invite me around you guys. I told him to just take his time before the pool party and decide when he was ready. I hope that we can be friends," she said very sweetly and anxiously.

I had so many things running through my head and I couldn't decide which one weighed more on my mind. Was she saying that they had been talking longer than two weeks? A little over two weeks ago I had told him I loved him and then we kissed. I told him though, that I was going to give him his space so he can focus on whatever it needs he has to do for himself to try and feel better. That is why we broke up. He had lost sight of who he was and what he wanted in life. He looked and felt so sad that it overwhelmed him. We tried to work it out for months, but eventually he realized that it wasn't fair to me. So he let me go. We both said maybe one day, when things got better we could discuss trying again.

I kept thinking about that week we last kissed he was saying stuff about how his friends thought us trying again would be a bad idea. I thought it had just been Peyton who had said those things to him. They had been friends since high school and she thought him trying to date Lindsey would be a good idea. It hurt because she didn't know me and made this assumption that he could do better. Anyways, I was now worried and scared that if he had been talking to Lindsey then, was I the other woman or was she? I mean technically he wasn't dating either of us and she even just told me they were friends and seeing if something was there.

My biggest confusion was that she wanted to be my friend, but she still didn't apologize to me for what she did. I didn't realize that I wanted an apology, but in that moment I did. How can you look at me and be so happy, ask me to be your friend and not realize you've hurt me? Thankfully, I saw Owen walking up and went to let him in.

"Hey, thank you so much for coming." He just smiled and gave me a hug. "No worries. So, what's my cover story? Should I be trying to make him jealous?" I shook my head no. "No cover story. No making him jealous. He knows you're my friend and that you are seeing someone. Only cover story we have is that you are here as my friend and to try and distract me from falling apart. I'm not going to play games with him. I wouldn't ever do that to him", I whispered while avoiding his gaze.

He understood and whispered for me to go on and I knew it was time to face them again. I waited till Clay was done talking before I interrupted them. "Hey guys, I wanted to introduce you to my friend Owen. Owen, this is Clay, Mouth, Lindsey, and Lucas". Owen being the nice guy he was went up to each of them, said it was nice to meet them as he shook their hands. There was a look on Lucas's face that I didn't recognize. I hated that I worried about what he felt. "C'mon let me introduce you to the rest of them". I took him into the back and introduce him to Nathan, Haley, and Mia.

We ended up going into the kitchen and talked for awhile just to go over what I was feeling and how to deal with it. Eventually we knew I had to go back in and face the situation. It was a lot easier to deal with when he was there. Knowing I had an unbiased support system. When we came in they were kind of holding hands. Not so much in an intimate way with laced fingers, but more in a way of trying to calm someone. Things were going well up until dinner was served. Truth was, I'd been so anxious all week I hadn't been able to eat anything and Owen noticed it. After dinner, we all ended up in the kitchen talking and laughing. Harley, their dog, came up and jumped on me as I leaned down to pet her. Sitting on the ground I held her close and whispered I was sorry about me and Lucas and that it'd be okay. Getting up I offered to grab drinks out of the garage before heading in there.

Seeing how close they had been standing together and allowing myself to really think about them, I broke down crying. I somehow found myself sitting on the ground with my head in my hands. I heard the door open and saw Owen walk in. He came and talked to me trying to calm me down. Once we walked back in only Haley, Mia, Mouth, and Clay were in the kitchen. Before I knew what happened Owen told my friends that he was going to steal me for a little bit before having me leave the house with him. He had decided it was best for me to get some space, clear my head, and he wouldn't take me back until I ate something.

I took two bites of my food before I started feeling sick again. Realizing the time, he knew he needed to take me back. I promised to try and eat when I got back since he had to leave. I gave him a hug and thanked him. When I got back, I walked into the living room and watched as everyone had started to play rock band. She was sitting in his lap. It didn't last long though. They couldn't decide if they wanted to try and hold hands or cuddle because they would for a little while and then stop. Trying not to cry and focus on them, I focused on the music. It was fine for a few hours, until Mia and Haley decided to duet on two songs. They picked 'Before He Cheats' and 'Don't Speak'. I think the tension created for me and Lucas could be cut with a knife. I ended up hiding behind the wall obscured from their view when I started to cry again. I couldn't stop. I forced myself to stay though. I had to get this over with, but I couldn't get out of my head how the last time we played rock band Lucas and I were the ones holding hands and secretly kissing.

He went into the garage to grab a drink and I decided to grab one too. He still hadn't spoken a word to me since they arrived. "Why did you lie?" I whispered before he went back in. I felt I deserved the truth. Why did he lie when I asked if he liked her earlier this week. He had said he didn't know if he did, but clearly tonight showed that it wasn't true. "I never lied to you", he said as he went inside. I couldn't stop my thoughts from going back and forth on whether it was the truth. Was it possible that he was trying to do this because his friend is pushing him? Was it because I said I'd step back and give him space? Thinking about it I realized something. They hadn't kissed. They were only friends still. The biggest thing in my head, though was when Owen said he saw the unhappiness in Lucas's expression and more importantly his eyes. I could always read Lucas by his eyes and he knew that. Lucas even could see it when he looked at pictures. Being fake happy for others, but his eyes couldn't lie to me. His eyes told me he wasn't okay tonight either.

When we went back in, I honestly got so lost in the song, I didn't even realize I had grabbed onto my necklace and was playing with it. Nervous habit. I didn't think anyone would see me, but I saw on two different occasions that Lucas and Lindsey had caught me holding it. She probably didn't know what it was, but I know the moment Lucas saw me I had been holding the ring and staring at it. I decided it was better if I left after that. It was already one in the morning. I grabbed my stuff and found Mia leaving as well. I said goodbye to everyone and walked out with her.

Walking outside, Mia and I stopped in the driveway before she said something to me. "You did good. Better than I expected. You should know that Lindsey and I called him out for being an ass. You need to move on though. I know it takes time, but he's a jerk. He's turned cold to you and you deserve more. You will find better. Next time though, you need to tap me on the shoulder, Haley on the shoulder or Millie on the shoulder and tell us you are leaving. You were fine when Owen was here, but when he left, you didn't have a crutch. You weren't hiding anything well. You need to only stay for a few hours for the next few times and then leave until you can say screw him. She is going to be sticking around. Nathan is smitten with her. He's going to keep pushing Lindsey to Lucas," with that she got in her car and took off as I stood there feeling even more broken. Was I wrong? Had it not been Peyton? I turned and looked at the house. Could it have really been Nathan this whole time who wanted Lucas to move on? Was he the one messing with my happiness? Mia was wrong. I knew that Lucas only acted cold around a group of people because he didn't know how to handle his feelings that way. I do deserve more, but what Mia didn't realize was that Lucas was more. She didn't know him the way I did. No one did. I knew she had good intentions, but I didn't like how rude she had been about it.

* * *

Shaking my head I got in my car and left. I thought about it and maybe he did need to see if he had feelings for her. Maybe he did need to try and date her. I knew she wasn't right for him, but he needed to see it for himself. Going home I tried to sleep knowing I needed to be up in four hours for my run with Deb. What I didn't know was that tomorrow I was going to get a whole new explanation to things. Clay was about to change things for me and Lucas in a big way…unfortunately in a way that was going to involve everyone.


	4. Piece Of The Puzzle

~Christmas 2013~

This was my first real Christmas with a boyfriend and it was definitely a new experience, but thankfully Nathan was able to help me with gifts for Lucas. It has been six amazing months since he asked me to be his girlfriend and we were facing the big obstacle this holiday…families. Since my parents are split up we have the two Christmases with them and we weren't able to spend it with his family until New Years.

I have to admit I fell in love with him even more when he got Victoria's approval. She has never liked anyone I dated in the past. Lucas though, he impressed her. She couldn't help but praise him and the way he looked at me. She believed he was the one for me. The other thing that won me over was seeing him with my younger sister Sam. They got along so well and I could see Sam falling for him the same way I did.

I promised myself that I would stay with someone who couldn't get along with Sam. She was my favorite person and seeing them together, gave me the happiest moment in my life…until today that is. We were now doing the second Christmas with my father. I remember this Christmas specifically because we both received our favorite gifts on this day.

I was cheesy, but he loved it. We didn't have a real tree or even a fake one big enough that we could hang ornaments on it, but it didn't stop me from getting him one. I saw the silver tree ornament in the store and the delicate writing saying, "Our First Christmas". It's the one thing I knew and loved about Lucas most. He was simple. He loved simple things and usually the simple things held the most meaning. I remember the moment he opened it.

"I love it, Brooke. This is amazing. Our first Christmas of many to come. Thanks babe" he said with a huge smile before leaning over and giving me a kiss. Trying to be sly, while hiding it from my dad, he slid a small ring box over to me. I looked at him curiously before slowly opening it. I've never received jewelry from anyone outside of family, so I was anxious.

"It's a promise ring," he said as I looked up from it. "I promise you that one day I will give you a different ring, but for now this ring represents my commitment, love, and my promise to always be yours. Always and forever", he said as I still stared at the ring in shock. Some could say it was simple, but to me it was the most beautiful representation of what we had. It was a sterling silver ring, with a small diamond in the center. The part of the ring that held the diamond had been designed to look like a small wave.

"Lucas, it's beautiful. I don't know what to say. I love you broody. Forever and always," I said as I slid it on my finger. I barely could take my eyes away from it long enough to kiss him. I would never go a day without this ring. It represented everything we had together and would have in our future. It was a symbol of the love we share. As long as I had this ring, I knew that we would be forever. I had no reason to not believe him.

* * *

~Present Day~

To say I was tired was an understatement. I had only gotten three hours of sleep after the BBQ before I had to meet Deb for our 5k. I wasn't even in the car for five minutes before she drilled me about the BBQ. I knew this was the beginning of a long day, but I summarized everything she needed to know. "She was there. I was uncomfortable, crying, and I had Owen come and distract me for awhile. Lucas still didn't talk to me again..group thing I know. She was super nice, she didn't apologize, and wants to try and be friends" I said as fast as possible.

The excitement I heard from her made me laugh a little. "You text Owen to come and he came? He gets so many extra bonus points in my book. That girl has some balls on her. I can't believe she even asked to be your friend. Lucas, has lost so much respect from me. He needs to grow a set and stop letting everyone tell him what he should do", she said loudly. She loved Lucas, don't get me wrong, but ever since the breakup and the truth about Lindsey came out, she had lost a lot of respect. He reminded her of Dan and for that she couldn't forgive him as much as I tried to get her too.

"Well, there's a chance that she may be coming to the dinner next Saturday, just as a heads up". Deb hadn't seen everyone in awhile and had asked Haley to invite everyone to dinner for the next weekend. I had fair warned Lucas that he needed to go, but that Lindsey wouldn't be welcome around Deb. He understood back then, but now that things seem to have changed I wouldn't be surprised if she showed up.

The look on Deb's face when I saw that is one I hadn't seen before, but she was not happy in the slightest. I threw my hands up in fake defense, "Don't look at me. I warned Lucas ahead of time, but from what Mia said an invite had already been extended to her. My guess is that Haley or Nathan invited her. Lucas knew she wasn't welcome and he promised he wouldn't bring her".

She just shook her head in frustration and dropped it. We switched topics for the rest of the run before parting ways. I still needed to go see Clay and Quinn and tell her all that she missed out on. I'm sure she had already heard from Clay, but men never told it as good as women. Since then though, I have heard from Millie asking me about the BBQ and Mouth letting me know I did better than he expected. Part of me feels frustrated that maybe they didn't expect much from me, but at the same time I'm happy because I know Lucas and Lindsey were immature in comparison.

* * *

Anyways, I made sure to grab a coffee on the way to keep me awake. I really needed a nap. This past week was killing me and I'm sure I looked like hell. I didn't even knock as I let myself in. I knew Clay was in his office and Quinn was waiting for me in the living room. She had just had foot surgery so she wasn't moving from the couch. I made the usual small talk of how she was, how her foot felt, before going to the serious stuff.

"So how'd it go? What's she like?", she said as she tried finding something to put on the TV. I started to play with the blanket next to me. So many different ways to answer the questions, but I guess I was still torn on what I thought.

"She is really nice, pretty, funny, everything Lucas could hope for. Everyone seems to love her and I did exactly what I said I'd do. I played nice, shook her hand, engaged in conversation and I hid behind the corner and cried. She never even apologized. It makes me wonder if she realized I was his ex or just some random girl", I answered truthfully while avoiding her gaze.

It hadn't made any sense to me as to why she was so nice. How can you look someone in the eye, smile, and act as if you didn't try destroying their relationship with texts, phone calls and pictures? It angered me that I was the one who was expected to be nice. I was the one who was expected to be fine with the situation. Everyone loved her. What about me? I'm supposed to be their friend. They watched me break from her selfish actions and they want me to be her friend? I was pissed and hurt.

Quinn finally settled on a movie from Netflix before turning her attention to me. "If it helps I hate her. I don't know her, but I have no respect for someone who will try and steal someone. There is no way she couldn't know who you are. You are Brooke Davis and way better than she will ever be. Just give it time and everyone will see through her act. There is no way Nathan will put up with her for long. What about Lucas? Did you try talking to him?" I didn't even have to look at her to know she was hoping for something positive. One thing I admired about Quinn is her positivity. Looking up at her, I tried to give a small smile as I shook my head no. I hated seeing that look on her face.

"Before you go all disappointed on me, let me explain. We did have one interaction that night and it was when we were alone in the garage. It was right after I had seen her trying to sit on his lap. He went to grab a drink and I needed an answer; so I went after him. You have to understand I am so confused right now. It hadn't even been a week ago when he said they were just friends. Now I see her and she is trying to sit on his lap, trying to cuddle up to him and tried holding his hand", I didn't even realize I was doing hand gestures as I was saying it. It was a bad habit I started to do when I had a point to emphasize. Quinn had paused the movie and was listening intently. I didn't even realize it before I started playing with my ring again.

"Well?", she said after I was silent for a few minutes.

I looked back up at her trying not to cry. "I asked him why he lied to me. It hurt to ask him that, but I had too. So he stopped, turned around to look at me and he said he never lied before going back in. Clearly he did though, right?" That was all it took before I started to cry. I was so confused and felt like there was this huge puzzle going on around me that no one could help me piece together. I just was waiting for someone to give me a clue as to what the hell was going on. I trusted Lucas more than I trusted anyone in our group of friends, but what if I was wrong?

I hadn't even noticed Clay enter the room until he spoke. "Brooke, he didn't lie." I don't think my head had ever turned as fast as it did just now. "What do you mean?" I asked quietly, afraid to hear the answer.

"First off, I'm indifferent to her. I don't know what all she did to you, but you shouldn't give up hope. You should know that Nathan was the one who brought her into the group, not Lucas", he said calmly as he stepped closer to us. I must have look bewildered because my mind was racing with so many questions, but I couldn't say anything.

Luckily, Quinn was able to find her voice. "Why in the hell would Nathan do that? He knew who she was and saw what it did to Brooke and Lucas." Quinn was one of the nicest friends I had, but when she got angry no one wanted to be around for it.

"He's been making comments on how Lucas needs to decide who he wants. Meaning he either chooses to get back with you or move onto Lindsey. He's been really pushing for Lindsey. He likes you Brooke, don't get me wrong, but Lindsey is new and he thinks that's what Lucas needs is something new. Me, personally, I believe everyone deserves a second chance. I think you and Lucas will work it out. It's all about timing in my opinion," he said slowly to the both of us. I knew he was afraid the wrong thing might upset Quinn more, but it made me more determined in a way. Pulling out my phone I found the video I was looking for and played it for Clay.

"Lucas sent me this not too long ago. The last time we said we loved each other and kissed was two weeks before the BBQ. I just don't know if he is ready for a relationship. I love him more than anything and anyone, but if we get back together I want to know it's because he is okay with himself. I want to know that he is happy and confident about what he wants in life. It was so hard for us and he needed this space to figure things out. Even if he wasn't all the way there, but had accepted some parts of it than I'd say yes," I told him as I started pacing the living room. I didn't want to give too much away of what had happened. It was so private and personal, but I wouldn't ever tell anyone the truth. I just needed him to find some sort of individual happiness or sense that he'd be okay. I couldn't risk us falling apart again by rushing into things again.

"Have you actually told Lucas that?" Quinn said as I turned to look at her.

"Told Lucas what?" As I looked between the two of them to see them share a look before Clay walked away.

"Have you ever told Lucas that you don't need him to be okay or happy or all better? Have you told him that as long as he is okay with not being okay you would take him back? If you haven't I think you need to go talk to him. Go fight for him Brooke. Make sure he knows all of these things you have told me and don't keep them hidden." I just stopped and thought about what she said. Had this been six months ago I know for a fact he would know that. I told him all the time because I wanted him to know I wasn't going anywhere. Was it possible that he didn't believe that now that we weren't together?

I knew what I had to do. I knew what I needed to say. I quickly grabbed my things before looking at Quinn, "I have to go find Lucas. There is a lot that needs to be discussed and I don't know if he knows that anymore. I don't know if he realizes I love him enough to be with him even in his moments of weakness. If he forgot that then I'll show him. If I have to fight against Nathan and Peyton's whispering in his ear about how I'm not right for him or how they have someone better in mind for him, well screw them. They don't know me enough because if they did they would know I'm right for Lucas. I need to go find Lucas." I felt so good after giving my speech that I didn't even wait for a response before running out to my car. There was so much I still didn't understand, but I needed to see Lucas and I wasn't going to wait any longer.


	5. She'll Never Be Me

A/N Sorry it took so long to post. I will try and not wait as long to get the next chapter up. I hope you like it. :)

* * *

~Christmas 2014~

To say this year flew by fast would be an understatement. So much had changed for everyone since last Christmas. All of us had gotten adult jobs at some point in the year. Lucas, Nathan, and Haley all got a job at the high school and I got a job designing for a company once I graduated. That was one of the best moments in my life. I graduated with honors and having both mine and Lucas's families, with our close friends there to support me meant the world to me. I don't know if I could have gotten through the last year without Lucas.

Lucas and I had decided to take the plunge and move in together. We found a nice little apartment close to Nathan and Haley's place and moving day was an adventure. Quinn and I were on food duty, while we watched my dad, Lucas, Nathan, Jake, and Clay move everything else. It was quite the entertaining day for us watching them carry the furniture upstairs.

I hadn't thought it possible, but I fell in love with him more and more each day. It was hard for a little while, the both of us getting used to new jobs and the stress of everything else left us with some difficult times, but it just made us stronger in the end. This year I was excited because we were able to spend Christmas with his family. Lucas had been teasing me with a gift for the past few months. He kept saying how he had this idea of something he was going to make me. I think it took him about four months to put it together and I was finally going to see what it was today.

I remember the game they had when it came to gifts. One person picks one, then whoever is opening will pick another, until they all go out. Apparently Lucas had hidden it so he could give it to me when he thought it was the perfect moment. Lucas had already given me a beautiful heart necklace with diamonds. I was speechless when I saw it. Instantly my favorite gift. Until this one he put together.

I remember how nervous he looked as he handed it to me, but not as anxious as I was. I couldn't tell you how many times I had tried catching him working on it or the amount of times I tried seducing him to tell me. He was definitely determined to stay quiet. As I opened up the gift, I looked at him confused. It was a mason jar. As I pulled it out, I saw multiple strips of paper in it and I couldn't help myself, but I shook the jar. I looked at Lucas waiting for him to tell me what this was and I couldn't help but smile seeing him still wearing the bow I placed on his head.

"I almost didn't get this finished, but I was determined to have it done by today. This mason jar has 365 reasons of why I love you. One a day. I want you to be reminded everyday of what I love most about you, so each day you'll pick one. Starting today," he said as he leaned over and kissed me. I tried my hardest not to cry happy tears, but I have never felt anything like this before. He had 365 reasons he loved me? I hadn't thought he could surprise me or gotten me anything better than the necklace and ring. I slowly took the lid off as I was still digesting everything he said. _'I love knowing you will be the mother of my children'._ I just whispered that to him before staring in his eyes and seeing how much he loved me. I knew in that moment that I was going to marry this man. "I love you Lucas. Always and forever," I said before putting the jar down and pulling him in for a kiss. "Forever and always, Brooke. I love you too".

* * *

~Present Day~

I should be at work, but fortunately I had a good reason not to go today. On my way home from Clay's last night, I accidentally hit an animal with my car. It wasn't my fault, but I did need to take it into the shop to be looked at. I thought about it and realized today was going to be the day that I go and speak with Lucas. It didn't take long for my car to get looked at and after that I headed over to our old apartment. I missed it so much, but I couldn't focus on that now. I needed to focus on what I had to say and make sure I said everything this time.

Twenty minutes later I pulled into the complex and parked in front of the apartment. I brought the movies I said I'd give him. It was a cover story on the off chance someone else was here. I hadn't told him I was coming so I hoped he wouldn't be mad. I kept going over what I wanted to know, what I needed to say as I walked up the stairs. Taking a deep breath, I knocked on the door. I tried not to smile as he swung the door open. The first thing I noticed was his smile, that he was wearing the shirt I had bought him, the shorts I had given him, and in the background I still saw the picture of him and my sister Sam.

I swung the bag of dvds towards him until he moved out of the way so I could enter. I had a smile on my face laughing at our little game that we always did. It's funny to think we both had smiles and were laughing together. When it was only two days ago that no one would've thought we'd act like this around each other. As much as I hated that he was acting both ways, I wouldn't trade anything for the moments we have alone. Happy, laughing, just us without trying to deal with everyone else butting into our business.

I stood across from him and I wasn't sure how to start this conversation. Luckily, he did. "Aren't you supposed to be at work?" I loved that confused expression he had. The one when he tried figuring it out, but was so intrigued at the same time. "I, uh, may have hit an animal last night and had to take my car to get looked at," I said while avoiding the look I knew he'd be giving me. The one that he had when he wanted to tease me and call me a dork, but he would just laugh and shake his head at my ridiculousness.

After that I knew I needed to get to the real reason I was there. I knew if I didn't then I wouldn't have another chance for awhile. "I want to apologize to you for accusing you of lying, Lucas. It's just during my conversation with Lindsey the way she worded things made it sound like this was going on a lot longer than I knew. She made it sound like you guys were talking about this thing, whatever it is, when you were still saying you loved me…when we were kissing in your kitchen. I mean that was only two weeks before this barbecue. I'm sorry, though. You told me you didn't invite her to the pool thing before and Clay told me the truth about Nathan inviting her. I'm sorry Lucas," I started rambling and pacing when getting this out. Almost three years together and I still got this nervous around him. For most of it I tried not looking at him. I already felt horrible enough that I doubted him, but this was a proceed with caution situation.

Lucas was silent for a few minutes trying to figure out what to say. I recognized that brooding look and I have to admit I was nervous. This could go in any direction and all I could hope was that it wasn't terrible. "Brooke, why would I lie to you? I told you I wasn't talking with her and I didn't invite her. Her and Nate met at work and he invited her," he sounded defeated. Like this was a conversation he had more times than he should have. I just nodded my head as I studied his face. I tried to find a hint of something in his eyes to make me believe in him. To make me believe that he had no feelings for her. I knew I should probably apologize for Owen even though I technically didn't owe him an explanation.

I looked down, embarrassed to explain why I asked Owen there. "So, about Owen, I hope you know I only asked him to come as a friend". At least this started to break the ice again. He laughed again before looking at me, "I know he's just a friend. You've told me before and I believe you. I know the girls had no clue though. They asked me when you guys went outside if I was jealous yet". I should have known they would do something like that. I started to shake my head before laughing. I should have known to count on Haley and Mia to do something like that.

"That wasn't my intention. It just was a nice distraction to get through the awkwardness of everyone. Do you know how uncomfortable it was for me to hear her say how she told you it's okay if you didn't want her to meet our friends just yet? How about when no one would introduce me and I had to go up and shake her hand, while introducing myself?" I couldn't keep the hurt out of my voice. I wasn't sure if I was more embarrassed that no one would introduce me or just hurt to see how nice she was. I hated knowing how nice everyone thought she was, but no one seemed to care how much she hurt me. I mean I guess I always thought my friends would try not to hurt me. "You know she never even apologized to me for what she did to us? I don't care how nice she is Lucas, I won't be her friend. Please try and understand that."

I watched as he turned away from me. I wish I could know what was going through his mind. "Mia went off on me about not introducing you to her. I figured that is why he came. I can only imagine how uncomfortable it was. I know if it was reversed that I would feel the same way." I tried not to scoff at that, but I let him continue. "I know you said you wouldn't be dating for awhile, but still. It hasn't been brought up between us yet. I'm sure at some point it will be discussed, but I understand. I know you don't have to be nice, but thank you."

I tried keeping a straight face, but it was hard not to look him and be reminded of what it feels like to be in his arms. Even with everything going on, I couldn't stop thinking about the memories and in that moment I grabbed my necklace. "Are you guys going to discuss it the same way Nathan discussed with you how you should decide between me and her?" I couldn't even look at him when I said it. I still was torn over what Nathan did. I get that Lucas was his best friend, but he saw me broken and crying over what she had done. He asked and listened to the full story and still he thought she was better for Lucas than I was.

I wiped away the tear I felt falling. I didn't want him to know how much they were hurting me. All of them. "I don't know what you know about that, but you should know it wasn't discussed often. All Nathan said was if I wasn't ready to try again with you, maybe I should date Lindsey. He really seems to get along with Lindsey and I'm pretty sure she's going to be around for awhile if it's up to him." I just looked down at the ground while trying to come up with a response. I tried not to, but my voice cracked, "Lucas, do you like her?"

There it was. That look in his eyes I had been searching for. One of confusion, but more importantly I could see how much he was trying not to hurt me. "I don't know. I mean what's there not to like?" It was more of a question than a statement. I knew so badly what I wanted to say to that, but I know he is aware that she's not me. She is the opposite of me in every way and that is why Nathan would pick her. It means she is more like him as well. She fits better with all of them than I do.

"We haven't done anything. I'm not sure I'd even be ready for anything and I don't even know if I'd want anything with her," I could hear the truth in his voice. I didn't have to look at him to know he was being truthful. After living with him for so long I feel like I know him better than myself.

"I love you, Lucas. I'm in love with you. You know I want to fight for you, for us, but I need it to be when you feel ready. As much as I hate to say this, if that means you need to see if you have feelings for her than maybe you should see. I'd rather us try again knowing that there are no what if questions about her. You should know though, she will never love you as much as I love you. I am in love with you. I refuse to share you with someone else though. You need to figure out if you are going to listen to your friend Nathan or follow your heart and come back to me. It's that simple. I'm going to go. For the future, whatever goes on is between me and you. I don't want our friends involved anymore."

Lucas nodded his head in agreement as he tried to find the words to say. Instead, he pulled me into a hug and we stood there for a few moments before I stepped back. "Lucas, one more thing. I know her and Mia saw me holding this at the barbecue, but in case you had and didn't say something, I'll always have it on. I bought a longer chain so it stays hidden, but I'll always have you with me," I whispered as I showed him my necklace with our heart, penguin, and ring on it. After a few seconds I put it back and left the apartment. It hadn't exactly gone as I planned, but I left feeling better than I had in awhile. I told him I loved him and saying that to him felt like a weight off my shoulders.

Now he knew where I stood. I was ready to fight for him and I hope Lindsey knows what she's in for. I couldn't help but go back to my initial thoughts as he opened the door. He was still wearing the stuff I bought him and he still had reminders of us in the apartment and that made me smile. I thought about what I had wanted to say earlier that I hadn't said, ' _The one thing not to like about Lindsey, is she's not me and she will never be me'_. With that thought, I drove home and couldn't help but wonder what the next few weeks would be like.


	6. 83

A/N I'm so sorry it took so long to post a new chapter and I know it's shorter then the others, but I'm in the middle of moving and hopefully will get more posted soon. :)

~September 2015~

I stared at the mason jar filled with the reasons why he loved me. I could feel the tear roll down my cheek as I turned away from it. I wished I knew what caused all this confusion, pain, and heartache we were feeling. The past few months had been hard on us. We both had gotten new jobs and the stress we felt was taking a toll on us. I know we both had been trying not to bring it home, but it was hard and we weren't communicating well about it. I was so tired and stressed that there were times I just didn't want to be touched or he'd come home so angry that he didn't want to talk.

Our year hadn't been like this the whole time. For the most part things had been going great for us. I had graduated with my second degree, we both got better jobs, and we had started talking about our future. I remember one night we had gone camping with his family and after hearing about how his parents got married, I had asked him the same thing. We had gone back to our tent and I asked him, "What if I said let's get married, what would you say?" I remember having been so nervous afraid that maybe he wasn't ready for that step. I knew he wanted marriage eventually, but I didn't know if this was the right time. "I'd say how about tomorrow, but I know your dad would kill me", he said as he grabbed me and kissed me. In that moment I knew nothing would keep us apart. He was the one for me and I was the one for him.

I had been trying hard to fix things. I was trying to spend more time with him, tried being more affectionate, but he seemed distant. It wasn't like Lucas to be like this. I mean I know he's all broody when he has something serious on his mind, but all I wanted for him was to talk to me. I felt like I had finally broken through his barrier when he confided that he felt lost. He was unhappy with himself and was just scared that he would have to figure it out without me. We both silently cried as we let his words sink in. "Do you want to breakup Luke?" I asked as I held his hands. I tried looking him in the eyes, but he avoided my gaze.

"No," his voice broke as he answered me. He still wouldn't look at me, but I just held him as he cried. My heart broke for him. I tried being strong for him. That was the type of person I was. I was everyone's crutch. If that meant I had to walk away in order for him to be happy I would. That was the hardest thing I had ever asked him and hearing him say he didn't want to breakup was the best thing I'd heard. I thought that breakthrough in communication was what we needed to get back on track. I was wrong.

That conversation was a week ago. Tonight things went from getting better to getting worse. I had given him some space, tried doing more around the apartment, and been as supportive as possible. Tonight, I was so unbelievably happy when he came in and we made love. I couldn't help the smile I had. I watched as he hopped in the shower and couldn't help but think how lucky I was to be in love with such an amazing man. That moment was short lived though. As I got up to get dressed, I heard his phone go off and everything I thought I knew was gone.

I just stood there staring at the mason jar, holding his phone and waited for him to come out of the bathroom. "Brooke, what's wrong?" he asked as he came out of the room looking confused. I didn't wipe my tears, I just looked at him and held out his phone, "Unlock it. I want to read every message. Tell me Lucas, who is Lindsey ?"

~Present Day~

I hadn't seen or heard from Luke since I left his apartment a week ago. I was wanting him to have space to figure things out, but I needed it as well to figure out my stuff. I felt like this was a huge puzzle going on and everyone around me held the pieces I needed to figure it out.

I was torn over everything. I knew Lucas. I knew how he only opened up to me and not the rest of our friends. He didn't trust them enough to tell them anything to personal in fear it'd be spread around. So I was feeling more inclined to believe him since Jake and Chase had given some information that confirmed what Nathan had been planning.

Still, it left me confused as to why would Nathan push for this. I mean he was my friend and the one time I stayed at his and Haley's house he saw me break down over what Lucas and Lindsey had done. He knew how much her messages and attempts at breaking us up had hurt me. He knew everything she had sent Lucas because I had told him. I remember Nathan asking me, "Do you really love Lucas enough to forgive him for not telling you? For what he didn't stop?" I looked him in the eyes, " Yes I do. I love him enough that I know we can get through this. I love him more than anything".

I pulled my phone out as I heard it go off and saw that it was a message from Mia. "Hey so I wanted to let you know I am planning a party, but I'm not going to invite you. I just don't want to be the reason you're upset and hurt because Lindsey is invited. The next one I have you will be invited, I promise. I just don't want to see you get hurt and I don't want to be the one to cause you pain. Please don't be mad".

I dropped my phone on my desk and went to the bathroom where I proceeded to cry. I hated this. I hated that everyone felt I was so fragile. If I was being honest, I had given them every reason to believe I was, but it would have been nice to have someone give me the benefit of doubt or maybe invite me over her. Couldn't just one person in the group hate her or at least dislike her even a little? She hurt me, he asked for his space from us, and now my friends were pushing me away. I know this is dramatic, but I really hate this year.

I finally decided to go back to my desk and respond to her. "I understand Mia. I hope everything goes smoothly and just make sure to have good stories to tell me". I knew I shouldn't have been so kind and I should have told her exactly how upset I was, but I was tired of it. Tired of fighting with my friends over this and tired of Lucas not stepping up, but I shouldn't be surprised. I knew out of the two of us I was the more outgoing one and he was more introverted. I had no problem being vocal about what was important and he just kept it all inside.

One more week and it should have been our three year anniversary. Three years. I remember towards the end I kept saying how all I needed was him. I would be willing to move anywhere he wanted to go because as long as I had him I'd be okay. I was committed. I meant it when I had told him always and forever. I want to fight for love, but I don't want to compete for it. I shouldn't have to compete with another person for his heart. Like Johnny Depp once said, "If you fall in love with two people, always pick the second one, because if you truly loved the first one you wouldn't have fallen for another". To everyone's outside view Lindsey was the second person, but Lucas always told me that he didn't like her in that way. All she had been was someone who gave him the attention. I knew from what I had read that they didn't do anything, but she fed his ego, gave him the attention I hadn't.

I kept playing with my necklace and looked at our ring. It was simple, beautiful, but simple. It was everything I felt about our relationship. It was what I felt about myself, about who he was, and that is what made us work. I looked at the heart and noticed it had three diamonds in it. Three years and I'm left confused, but looking at the penguin reminds me of him. All the good outweighed the bad in our relationship. That is why I was able to move past it and forgive.

I was tired of our friends making these choices and decisions for us. I was just done. I realized that I needed to continue focusing on Lucas, forget everything my friends were doing, forget Lindsey, and remember at the end of the day I'm fighting for my heart. I had a plan. I needed to try one more time and let him know that this is it. I decided to ask him to meet me on our anniversary, in the spot he asked me to be his girlfriend and if he showed then he was making a choice that I was the one he wanted. If he didn't show on that day then I knew he was picking her. I couldn't wait any longer. I was done waiting.

Grabbing a pen and a piece of paper I started to write him a letter. This was going to be my last letter to him.

 _Dear Lucas,_

 _This is my 83_ _rd_ _letter to you and this will be my last one…_


	7. July 2

~January 2016~

Four months. It had been four long months since I had found out about Lindsey, since we broke through the communication barrier and I had started splitting my days between the apartment and my father's house. Staying at my father's was the last thing I'd ever want nor was it anything I could have predicted, but we both needed this space to try and repair the damage. That night that I found her messages I felt destroyed by him. The person I loved most, the person who was supposed to save me from pain was the one who gave me the most. As I read every message Lucas just sat there on the bed crying, ashamed of what had happened and the pain of his secrets.

It was stated in the messages that nothing had happened between them. It didn't change the fact I read how she was in love with him. I couldn't look at him. I couldn't accept that the man I knew, the man I was madly in love with could do this to me. It hurt to know they would be talking when I was next to him, but it made me laugh too. I laughed at the fact that she was a distraction for him. She made him forget that he was feeling lost and confused about his life. She didn't know him enough to see that he wasn't okay. It made me mad to think someone felt they loved him, but clearly didn't know him. She loved the fake version. We were up until 4 in the morning going over everything. I remember the fear I had when I told him he needed to decide who he wanted. Luke didn't even hesitate when he chose me.

There were things that needed to be worked on before we could get back to being Brucas. He needed to find himself and I needed to learn to trust him again, but ultimately, we needed to see if we could do all of this while being together. After discussing it we agreed it might be best if I stayed at my father's for a few days a week. We had tried sleeping in separate rooms and we thought we were ready to go back to sharing the one room, but that lasted a week before he started to feel lost again.

Every day that I didn't get to see him I felt miserable. All I wanted was him. I realized during this time that so much of our relationship was better than those bad moments and it helped in being able to move past and forgive him for talking to Lindsey. The days I would spend here at the apartment I feel complete. I could be sitting in a different room and just knowing that he's near makes me feel safe, loved, and I know that being wherever he is that's my home. I couldn't leave him if I tried because he was my future, my everything.

Last week he asked me what happens if he doesn't get things figured out? How long do we keep trying? I just sat there and refused to look at him again. I kept telling myself I needed to be strong for the both of us. I reminded myself that it was just a rough patch and if we could get through this then we could get through anything together. I remember saying, "I love you Lucas. I love you too much to walk away. If it comes to that then it will be you who walks away. I love you more than I thought I could love anyone. You are my game changer, Luke. If you wanted to move somewhere right now I would. As long as I have you I don't need anyone else. I love you the way my dad loves my mom. Even if we don't work out I know in my heart I won't ever love anyone the way I love you".

Today was different. It's hard to explain, but it was one of those days when you wake up and just have a bad feeling about it. We had gotten into a small fight last night and when I tried apologizing he just was cold. So I spent most of the day in the other room. I thought the best thing I could do was give him his space. It made me happy when he came in the room to talk. Any moment I got with him lately I wasn't taking for granted. I didn't see it coming. The conversation was light and we weren't talking about the fight, but before I knew what was happening he shifted the conversation to us and where we stood.

He sat on the couch just staring at his clasped hands, "Brooke, where do we stand in your opinion?" I paused my movie as I looked at him and I answered with the same thing I've been saying the past few months. "I love you and I promise we will get through this. You're my game changer. What about you? Where do we stand in your opinion or is this an I don't know?" I said the last part jokingly. Lately that was his answer to things was I don't know, but not today. Still refusing to look at me he answered, "It's not going to end with I don't know". His voice cracked as he said that and I felt my heart break. If I thought it hurt the night I found her messages that was nothing compared to this. I burst into tears and just kept saying "no" over and over before I ran into the bathroom.

I was still crying when I came out of the bathroom and I pleaded with him to reconsider. It had gotten too hard for him to try and focus on figuring himself out while trying to still be in a relationship. I knew he was trying not to hurt me anymore by doing this. I wouldn't admit that it hurt, at least not to him, but I didn't have too. He knew he was hurting me unintentionally and it wasn't what he wanted. He started to cry as well. I had seen those breakups on movies and TV when the couple still is in love, but they have to breakup and I had never realized until this moment just how hard it was.

I had sent a message to Haley asking her to come get me. We were going in a circle for a hour now. Both of us were still crying, but we had alternated between holding hands, holding each other, goodbye kisses and saying I love you. I never had a breakup due to circumstances outside of our control, but ultimately that was what this is. He had tried to get help and deal with his problems, but nothing was working. We knew he needed to do this on his own, but I had hoped it wouldn't happen. When Haley knocked he ran to the office and she came in and just held me as I cried on her shoulder. I took a deep breath before going into the office. For the last time, we held each other, said I love you, and had our last kiss.

I told him I'd try and be brave for him and that I was sorry. I turned around and walked away from him, from us. I cried all the way to Haley and Nathan's. She told Nathan that we split and he left me alone. I sat there as Haley gave her thoughts about it, but I tuned her out. I grabbed my phone and sent one text.

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened. I love you, Lucas. Always and forever".

* * *

~Present~

Dear Lucas,

This is my 83rd letter to you and this will be my last one. I have been spending the past few days going over everything in my head about our past, the present, and how the future could play out. I thought about our friends and family and how they have impacted us individually and together.

Before I met you I thought I knew what love was, but I was wrong. I thought I had experienced love with Owen before, but being with you makes me realize it wasn't love. When I first met you Luke, I had no idea that you would be so important to me. The moment I met you I didn't know it then, but that was the moment that everything changed. I can look back and say for certain that my life changed the day I met you. What I have with you is love.

The love I have for you is real. It's not high school love, but the kind of love that forever leaves a mark on you. I feel it every day and it reminds me of all the small things that are gone. Lucas, I miss hearing you laugh at something I did, the mischievous smile you had when I would tease you, the intensity I feel from you when I stare into your eyes, but most importantly I miss seeing you when I wake up and when I go to sleep. I miss you all the time.

I know how much easier my life could be if I could let go of our past, but I can't. It was the start of our story. When I was in school we studied Shakespeare and something he wrote has always stuck with me. He said, "Love is not love that alters when it alteration finds". This year has been trying for the both of us, but through it all my love for you has never faltered. Everything has changed and I have realized what I want and need in my life.

I need to move forward with my life. I have been stuck here unable to move forward because of my fear that if I do you will let me go thinking I deserve more than you can give me. You have told me how I deserve more, but that is not up to you. There is no choice to be made here. You stole my heart before I knew what was happening and I need you Lucas. I need you. I want you. I want us to work together to have the life we dreamed of. I want to be by your side and have you by my side through everything. You are my best friend, the love of my life, my game changer.

In five days it will be July 2. It should be our third anniversary and I am dreading it because I don't want to spend it without you. It has been close to six months now since we have been apart and I need to know if you miss me even a little. I want to know if you feel something still for me. I want to move forward even if it is by a step. Lucas Eugene Scott, I am asking you to meet me at our spot where you asked me to be yours, on our anniversary. If you see some hope or feel something still for me please meet me there at sunset. I hope to see you, but if I don't then just know every day spent with you have been the best of my life.

Always and forever,

Brooke


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